 Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
-- Milton Berle (at a function for Sports Broadcaster Howard Cosell) |
Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything has dropped, expanded and turned a funny colour.
-- George Best |
Kelsey Grammer has launched his own website to refute stories about him in the tabloids. Check it out at likeyoureallycare.com.
-- Andy Waits |
While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, "Times are kind of tough." He also pointed out that Bill Gates is kind of rich, that water is kind of wet, and that Elvis is kind of dead.
-- Andy Waits |
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
-- Bob Hope |
If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'
-- John Cleese |
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
-- Phyllis Diller (on Arnold Schwarzenegger) |
The best ears of our lives.
-- Milton Berle (on Clarke Gable) |
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
-- Bob Monkhouse (on Jeffrey Archer - English politician, novelist, convict) |
She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.
-- Julie Andrews (commenting on columnist Joyce Haber) |
